Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
