Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
