dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
