I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
