he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
