I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
