It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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