haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize