I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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