Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Everclear isn't food dammit
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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