JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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