I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
