I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
