just tell him i said nine months
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
