i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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