The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i love accidental penises.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
