when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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