I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize