what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
