i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
