you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
