All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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