oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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