dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
