I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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