At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
