Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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