we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
