i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
