our cab driver is having phone sex.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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