ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
