He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
