so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize