Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
