I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
