put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
