I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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