I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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