I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
