You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
