Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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