I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
