I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I am spending my child support on dildos
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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