I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
