He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
