just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
