He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
