if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
