I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize