i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
