Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
