The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
