omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
