Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
50% drunk capacity currently
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
