Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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