??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
