he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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