do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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