new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
