Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
