I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
