Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
