Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
