she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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