i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
