you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
