sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
