I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
