I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
