Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
