i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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