Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
