tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
